It’s well established that ours is the most hovering, protective, micro-managing generation of parents there has even been. We’re less likely to let our kids play in the park on their own, even though we may mourn the loss of a “simpler time” when kids had that sort of freedom to roam. My guest on this episode is Christopher Shulgan, author of Superdad: A Memoir of Rebellion, Drugs and Fatherhood. Chris and I delve into the relationship between fear and freedom in parenting. Chris shares some statistics that show the world is not a more dangerous place than it was when we were kids. We explore how to do the challenging work of decoupling protectiveness and good parenting in our minds by gradually allowing our kids the freedom they need to grow into capable adults.
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There’s been a lot of talk lately about the state of modern parenting, some of it reaching a bit of a crescendo last month with an article in Maclean’s magazine here in Canada that ran under the title, “The Collapse of Parenting.” That was a reference to a book by the same name by Dr. Leonard Sax of Pennsylvania. My guest Alyson Schafer, one of Canada’s most notable parenting experts, is on the show today to talk about the state of modern parenting and whether we really have lost our way. Alyson is a family therapist, TV personality and best-selling author of Breaking The Good Mom Myth, Honey, I Wrecked The Kids and her latest, Ain’t Misbehavin’. She’s in high demand as a speaker and a parenting educator through the great courses she offers. Alyson makes a case that while it’s wonderful that we’re as concerned as we are about our children’s well being, the pendulum has swung too far, creating an imbalance of power where the child is the tyrant and the parent the slave. She encourages us to question the notions we hold about the fragility of the child and accept that we cannot make a life for our kids that is struggle-free.
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This episode is brought to you by Wise Bites, makers of healthy, allergy-safe snacks that are perfect for the whole family. To get free shipping on a case, go to wise-bites.com and use promo code THENEWFAMILY at checkout!
Finding out that your partner is gay is a pretty big deal, especially because it usually means your relationship is coming to an end. Debbie Dawe-Mattausch’s first husband came out to her, but rather than letting this news tear her family apart, she has embraced her ex—whom she affectionately refers to as her “wasband”—as well as his new partner in an extended family of sorts. Debbie shares how she managed to set aside her hurt over the end of the relationship and chose to have compassion for her ex-husband given that he’d had to hide an important part of himself for so long. Today her large blended family consists of her husband and his son, daughter and son-in-law, Deborah, her son and his girlfriend, her two daughters and their husbands, her ex and his husband, three granddaughters and a grandson. She and her “wasband” have gone on numerous vacations together and spend important holidays as a group. As a result Debbie says, “I didn’t lose him as a friend and as a person I care about.” Her family is a model for co-parenting positively after the end of a relationship, no matter what the circumstances.
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This episode is brought to you by Wise Bites, makers of healthy, allergy-safe snacks that are perfect for the whole family. To get free shipping on a case, go to wise-bites.com and use promo code THENEWFAMILY at checkout!
Today we’re examining whether couples should stay together for the sake of the kids. A small study released in the UK recently found that 82 percent of 14- to 22-year-olds would prefer for their parents to separate than stay together for their sake. Of course, as anyone whose marriage has fallen apart can attest, there’s a lot of heartbreak when considering the impact on the kids. But as my guest Sarah MacLaughlin helps explain, it’s not the end of the relationship itself that counts, so much as how it’s handled. Sarah is a social worker who’s researched parenting and child development extensively for over two decades, and on the separation and divorce front, is trained in family mediation and crisis de-escalation. She’s director of parent education at the Center for Parenting and Play in Biddeford, Maine, which offers parenting classes, counselling and supported visitation. She’s also the author of the award-winning book, What Not to Say: Tools for Talking with Young Children and has written the Parenting Toolbox column for Parent & Family since 2008. Sarah shares thoughts on how it’s the way that a separation is handled, not the separation itself, that determines the emotional well-being of the kids.
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This episode is brought to you by Wise Bites, makers of healthy, allergy-safe snacks that are perfect for the whole family. To get free shipping on a case, go to wise-bites.com and use promo code THENEWFAMILY at checkout!
For this special bonus episode of the podcast for Bell Let’s Talk Day, I’m joined by a very special guest, parenting author Ann Douglas. Ann and I hope you’ll share this episode with the hashtag #BellLetsTalk to support Canadian mental health programs. Ann almost needs no introduction because her name really is synonymous with parenting advise. She’s Canada’s most trusted and prolific parenting writer, though her work is known in many other countries as well. She’s the author of the bestselling Mother of All series of parenting books, and 30 books in total, the most recent of which is Parenting Through the Storm: How to Handle the Highs, the Lows and Everything in Between. Ann and I delve into the harder stuff to talk about that we really must talk about more often—your mental health as a parent and your kids' mental health. How to thrive yourself and how to help them thrive. Ann’s an outspoken advocate for mental health issues and has been candid about both her own bipolar diagnosis as well as the mental health issues her children have faced. She shares advice on how to advocate for your children when they’re having mental health struggles, how to cope with the long wait to see specialists, and about the importance of good self-care during difficult times. Whether it’s you or your child facing a mental health challenge, it’s critical to know that you’re not alone in facing these issues—despite the impression you may have from viewing your friends social media feeds. Ann reminds us that every family goes through tough times and that we shouldn’t be afraid to reach out for support in our darker hours. To help Canadians access the mental health resources they need, please text or tweet this episode with the hashtag #BellLetsTalk.
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Is sexting a modern-day version of flirting? Does it lead to sexual behaviour in real life (IRL as the kids would say)? We’re joined on the show today by Dr. Jeff Temple of the University of Texas Medical Branch. He’s a psychologist with an appointment in Obstetrics and Gynecology, where he researches relationships and online behaviour with an aim to helping parents, teens and young adults understand, avoid and address risks. He published a widely-reported paper last year on how teen sexting is emerging as a normal part of adolescent sexual exploration. Dr. Temple is also a father of a 12-year-old girl and a 10-year-old boy, he joins us to talk about what parents should know about teen sexting and how we can talk to our kids about it.
Ever thought about what it would be like if Grandma’s visit never ended and you always had that extra set of hands? Emily Morgan—the first guest on the podcast the southern Hemisphere—is with us during this episode to talk about what prompted her to return to Tasmania, Australia to move in with her mother. Emily is a single mom by choice, and the host of a great podcast of her own called Parents in the Know. She has a three-year-old daughter, and a one-year-old son, and she made that move home after struggling both with her finances and with prenatal depression while living on the other side of the country from her family. Emily speaks candidly about the experience of struggling with her mental health, and the value in letting ourselves get cared for by loved ones when we’re struggling. She and the kids now live in a busy, multi-generational household surrounded by her extended family. And to her surprise and delight—given she’s always been very independent—Emily says she’s never been happier. Emily also runs a website for parents, the Parent Resource Centre—at parentresourcecentre.com. The focus of the website is Informed Parenting, and Emily’s passion is to help parents ask the right questions, look for the science behind the hype and make the best parenting decisions they can, based on sound knowledge.
What does it mean to do a really great job of step-parenting? We’re joined in this episode by Julia Oosterman, who wrote a piece for thenewfamily.com’s 1,000 Families Project that readers absolutely adored. You see, Julia’s first experience of parenthood came when she started dating a man who had two children. Her super-loving and mature approach to step-motherhood was really applauded by our readers. But as she explains here, she didn’t always get it right, particularly in the early years. Julia’s family now includes four children with the addition of two she and her husband have had since. Julia and I talk about rocking the step-mother gig and life in a blended family.
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What kinds of smarts will our kids need to thrive in adulthood? We’re joined in this episode by Doctor of Education Joanne Foster, a teacher, consultant, university lecturer award-winning co-author with Donna Matthews of the books Being Smart About Gifted Education, and Beyond Intelligence: Secrets for Raising Happily Productive Kids. She’s also the author of Not Now, Maybe Later: Helping Children Overcome Procrastination. Joanne has some really interesting insights to share about the many facets of our kids’ intelligence that are important today, which include not only academic knowledge, but creativity, emotional and social development, decision-making and life balance. She shares tips for fortifying success in times of challenge and change, and strategies on how parents can provide the safe, nurturing environments where kids can build on their own intelligence in response to an ever-changing world.
Should we be “familying” instead of parenting? We’re joined today by award-winning journalist and author Melinda Blau, the author of fifteen books, best known for her work as the voice of the Baby Whisperer books, a collaboration with the late Tracy Hogg. Those well-loved books have been translated into 22 languages. Melinda’s latest book, Family Whispering, carries those ideas forward. Melinda outlines compelling reasons to shift our focus from the parent-child relationship to a more holistic approach that takes into consider the family as a whole, creating investment of all members in the well-being of the household. It means that kids are asked to help establish house rules, but also to contribute meaningfully to the work that needs to be done. This episode is full of actionable advice for making your family life run more smoothly while raising industrious, responsible kids.
This episode is a fun one because I’ve got two amazing women on the show to talk to us about their unique friendship and the ways their families are communal parenting. Nadine Silverthorne and Kate Sanagan are both busy media moms who describe their relationship as “sister-wife-ish.” Along with their husbands, who have also become great friends, they’re helping each other out on the parenting journey. Their kids go to the same school and daycare, they’re on each other's pick-up lists and they eat dinner together once a week. Even more importantly, Kate and Nadine do the critical work of talking each other down from the ledge in those really tough times. We talk about how it makes sense to share the load, as well as the emotional work, involved in raising children, and about how meeting each other was like finding their own small town within Toronto.
Sponsor:
This episode is sponsored by Ooka Island, a reading app so fun your kids won't even realize they're learning at all. Join your host Brandie Weikle and the Ooka Island team today, Thursday, Jan. 7th at 8 p.m. Eastern 5 p.m. Pacific, for a Twitter Party all about how you can turn your child into an avid reader this year. Just join the conversation with the hashtag #ookareads.
For more information on Ooka Island and a special offer for New Family listeners, go to ookaisland.com/newfamily.
We’re joined on the podcast today by Amber MacArthur—known to many as Amber Mac—an internet entrepreneur, bestselling author, keynote speaker and TV and Radio Host. Amber is the author of national bestselling business book Power Friending and an authority on internet marketing. We chat business, technology and parenting, and—in contrast to what people might assume—how running her own business actually gives her the flexibility to be really present for her six-year-old son. Plus, we talk about the changing face of work and what it may mean for our children who are more likely than previous generations to grow up to be makers and entrepreneurs.
Sponsor:
This episode is sponsored by Ooka Island, a reading app so fun your kids won't even realize they're learning at all. Join your host Brandie Weikle and the Ooka Island team this Thursday, Jan. 7th at 8 p.m. Eastern 5 p.m. Pacific, for a Twitter Party all about how you can turn your child into an avid reader this year. Just join the conversation with the hashtag #ookareads.
For more information on Ooka Island and a special offer for New Family listeners, go to ookaisland.com/newfamily.